Monday, 18 February 2013

Why can't we all just get along?

"You're the ONLY one who's been complaining!" I've been told on a Monday.

"Yes, but we've received no support three years ago when X did this and two years ago when Y did that. Why should I expect any support now?!" I've said on a Wednesday afternoon.

"Stop writing notes in the teachers' journal, because everyone else will think you can't deal with them." I've heard on an idle Friday.

The context doesn't really matter. Explaining the situations above won't make things clearer for anyone because they're all THE situation in which the grown-ups are at the end of their wits and the blame-game begins. If you haven't been involved in one, you've witnessed it. If you haven't witnessed it, you either haven't paid attention, haven't worked for very long in child care or are that one human embodiment of luck no one really believes exists.

I may be childish in thinking asking for help when one needs it is actually a sign of strength and self-awareness, and sometimes I may be a wee bit too honest about what I see and notice in the classroom at my own expense, but I actually think it's the right thing to do. Experience is probably going to try to teach me otherwise. So this is a post, for future reference.

SPLITTING is an unconscious defense mechanism: "The child unconsciously protects itself from difficult feelings by starting to view people as either all bad or all good, rather than a mixture of the two." (Delaney, 2009:92)

The SPLITTING PROCESS is what groups of people go through when under pressure or peril. The three examples from above are textbook cases of splitting in school environment - seeing others as not doing their job, warning them to do their job or hide their faults, when actually constructive advice, naming the emotion of helplessness, noticing what does work or simply describing the situation would do a far better job. (Delaney, 2009)

And now I wonder, am I taking a risk for even speaking up?
Maybe it'll do some good for someone else (hopefully, not ammo-wise) even if it doesn't do any good for me.

Just remember,

Do one thing everyday that scares you.
(Baz Luhrmann, Wear sunscreen)

All my love,

Delaney, Marie (2009) Teaching the Unteachable. London:Worth Publishing